♥ ayuki's stories ♥

Fun Time!

2012-02-11T23:21:00.000+08:00

Saturday but an awesome Saturday. It's been too long since the last time I hang out with these peeps : Zul , Aa , Aieyn. At last I got the chance today. :D

Received a phone call from a friend yesterday, asking us to join a sushi making competition as they have no participants yet. So, we just grab the chance even though we have no experience in rolling the sushi nor arranging the ingredients and whatsoever things related to sushi - except - eating sushi. The theme is Valentine so last night, we googled & youtubed anything that resulted in beautiful plus creative sushi. Trust me, I wished we won. HAHAHA. We were late to the competition and luckily, the organizer was willing to wait for us. I got so nervous before the event okay? There were 14 partners joining and the moment I knew the contestant's number increased, my hope broke down. At first I thought we can get the consolation prize at least. Event starts. As we were too beginner, things got messed. Especially mine and Zul's sushi, they are just fugly. And of course, we won nothing. HAHAHA. We got last I guessed, due to the messiness and ugliness that can't be denied. :/

But but, luckily Aa and Aieyn won the third prize and lucky for the second time, the four of us made an agreement that whoever win something, we must share the prize. Bonus for me and Zul. :P

♥ the two in white shirt are new friends, I guessed. :P ♥

We spent the remaining hours at The Spring & Giant Hypermart. Pfft...cam sikda tempat lain bah. D:

And we planned a little belated birthday celebration for Aieyn. Happy birthday gorgeous! May the days ahead are way more amazing than days before. We heart you!

;)

Syukur :)

2012-01-31T07:42:00.000+08:00

The craziness of waiting has just ended.

SEM 5's RESULT!

While everyone got busy with the update in facebook few hours ago, I slept heavily.

I woke up super early today to send my cousin to the airport and stay awake just to have a peek at my result.

Alhamdulillah.

I'm so grateful with what I've got even though I haven't met my target.

Improved, almost there, but not there yet.

The result is expected as my effort wasn't strong enough to help me gain best result.

At least I didn't fail any eh?

Thank you Allah!

* gratefulness overload *

Because...

2012-01-28T02:58:00.000+08:00

Best friend, do I have any?

A question.

I've been struggling for days, trying to ignore the unstable mind.

My mind, keeps arguing about things that might not even breathe in the reality.

My mind, keeps replaying all the films from my extinct phase of life.

I've promised myself to be a good girlfriend but I broke the promise today, again.

I've moved on and tried to forget the past but there are some that can't neither be erased nor bleached.

They will keep haunting you even when you say you care no more.

You'll keep searching for all the flaws on yourself to help you keep awake, away from the ache that may follow.

Trying to run away from the pain but you actually cause paroxysm to another soul.

I was a best friend.

As time gradually passed, I learn that I'm no longer committed to the friendship.

Whose fault?

I'm confused but as likely as not, me and 7 years of friendship sinks.

Today, I read a fellow's blog.

And I started to get the jealousy of how close she is with all of her best friends.

Those friends, who'll be with you no matter when you're doleful nor gleeful.

They are not those, who only show you their existence when they need a little lift.

I have lots of the second those and it's sicking.

But still, I'm grateful for having a few bit of what I called besties.

Jumping thoughts.

Now I found that the prologue doesn't match the epilogue.

Bipolariac.

I'm losing track and everything will stop here.

Ranting.

2012-01-28T00:29:00.001+08:00

Hello blog! (gers)

It's been awhile I guessed.

Hmm...basically, I'm running out of ideas on what to blog.

I enjoy my holiday but I'm broke so I can't go out frequently.

Well, car fuel food drinks parking and even toilet need money.

I'm not doing any part time as the holiday is as precious as money while scholarship can only be spent when the semester starts.

As of right now, I am totally broke.

But last Wednesday, I went out for the sake of Cheese Ramyeon!

I've been craving for weeks and I finally can taste it that day.

Actually, I went out to submit my industrial training applications.

>.<

Done submitting all 3 applications and now will have to wait for the result.

That's a lil update on my industrial training progress.

Next story.

My days are in the middle-of-the-road, it's like no right no left and it's exactly in the middle.

Okay, I'm not so okay and it is not me but my mind.

=.=

I'm suffering from insomnia and depression lately.

Almost a week for insomnia but for depression, I don't think I have any left since the exams is over.

Probably it is caused by the tense about the results which will be announced next week eh?

Why do I say I have depression even when I don't really depressed?

Jengjengjeng!

Cause the people living in my head start to make noise, disturbing my peaceful mind.

The aftermath, I'm depressed and Mr. Gendut will become the victim of my emotion. *sorry :(

I'm quite worried actually and as the worrisome arises, I try my very best to force myself to eat and sleep.

For the whole week, I seem to be so energetic that I don't even need any sleep nor ~~food~~. *I want cupcake & macaroon so bad*

Each and every day, I'll lie down on my bed for hours and will only start to get sleepy after 5am.

Even though I slept for an hour, I can still be fully energized without the aid of caffeine.

Amazing eh?

Therefore, for the sake of time, I bought a new novel!

AHAHAHAHA!

Err...should I say that I got it for free?

Thanks to the government for giving us, the students, 4 vouchers which worth RM200.

I need not to worry about my stationary and books anymore. :))

Done for today's rant and I'll be back.

Hair fall.

2012-01-18T11:20:00.000+08:00

I'm counting the days since the first day I realized my hair is falling severely.

It's been 3 months now and I'm officially a sucker for hair care products.

From Himalaya Protein Shampoo, I changed to Himalaya Hair Fall Shampoo, again, I changed to another shampoo which is Clear Hair Fall Shampoo.

Now I'm using Himalaya old packaging of Protein Shampoo and a week of usage gives me nothing.

Additional, I'm currently using the Himalaya Protein Hair Cream and Grorich Hair Booster.

I trust Himalaya products too much eh?

Hmm...probably it is too early to hope for a miracle?

At first I thought this was only a normal hair shedding since the hair is falling from the root, with a white bulb at the tip of each hair.

But normal shedding should only last for 2 to 6 weeks.

What is wrong actually?

Seriously, I feel very sad to see hairs around me everyday.

They fell like the rain drops and so uncontrollable.

Rain, HAHAHA!

Okay, all I need is an instant way to stop this problem.

Is there any?

Suggestion?

Freedom! :D

2012-01-17T14:29:00.000+08:00

I'm free!
The taste of the holiday is so amazing and I finally can live freely, leaving the hectic student's life.

It's been so long since I last wrote - a writing about myself particularly.
Life has been too busy since past few weeks, too depressing and too gloomy.
Exams was like hell, and all I can do right now is praying for a good result. pfft.
Done with examination!
I have a month of free time so I'm going to enjoy the month to the fullest.
*even though I still have to pening-pening kepala searching for the place for my internship*
I want to bake cupcakes and macaroons.
I want to go for food hunt - I'm craving for Korean food! >.<
I want to watch all the Korean dramas I've downloaded.
I want to finish my recently bought sheet masks and do short reviews perhaps?
I want to breathe and live life!
:D
Anyway, happy holiday to all ipta's students!

Masks Haul :D ♥

2012-01-10T16:24:00.000+08:00

At last!

I received the parcel that I've been waiting for since last week.

Bought 20 pieces of My Scheming Masks from lowyat forum as I was so tempted by few fellow bloggers.

Can't wait to give these beautiful masks a shot!

What I've bought :

♥ Deep Ocean Water Mask

♥ Bird Nest + Collagen Mask

♥ Marigold Extract Mask

♥ Sakura Whitening Mask

♥ Q10 Collagen Firming Mask

♥ Bulgarian Rose Whitening Mask

♥ Grape Seed Extract Mask

♥ Arbutin Whitening Mask

♥ Hydrolyzed Silk Protein Mask *silk can be hydrolyzed meh? D:

♥ L-Ascorbic Acid Mask

♥ Pearl Extract Mask

I never tried any of Taiwan's mask before and I'm kind of excited?

AHAHAHAHA.

So sakai =.=

Err...old packaging + new packaging = different prices but still affordable.

Want some?

The One That Got Away.

2012-01-06T01:44:00.001+08:00

Talk about the future like we had a clue.

Never planned that one day, I'd be losing you.

In another life, I would be your girl.

We keep all our promises, be us against the world.

In another life, I would make you stay.

So I don't have to say you were the one that got away.

Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on.

It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse.

Can't replace you with a million ring.

I should have told you what you meant to me.

Sometimes, you promised someone forever but it doesn't work out that way.

This song is addictive!

Wordless Wednesday #1

2012-01-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year 2012!

2012-01-01T00:06:00.005+08:00

Good bye 2011, hello 2012!

New year, new resolution, new start.
What's my resolution?
Instead of eating to live, I'm going to live for eating!
AHAHAHAHAH!

Happy new year everyone!

Au Revoir, missayuki! ♥

2011-12-27T21:05:00.000+08:00

27/12/2011

4 days away from the new year, 2012, and I can't feel the spirit.

And so, I have no new year resolution yet.

What's more important is that I'm already in the week for revision.

Hell yeah, the 5th semester is over and final exam is a week ahead.

And then holiday, then the new semester will start, and then holiday again but I'm going for my internship then the forth year starts.

In less than 2 years, I'll be graduating and hooray!

Okay, I'm getting way too ahead.

>.<

I haven't start my revision yet.

The semester is not as depressing as before and is that the reason why I still can't get the study spirit yet?

Spent my days & nights with Korean dramas plus tons of movies.

Such a joyful life~ ~~*xylophone playing as background music*~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Actually, this is craziness.

I'm worried as final exam is just around the corner and my preparation is definitely zero.

I'm here to announce that my blog will be in the hibernating mode for few ~~days~~ weeks.

*like a boss, announce. SERIOUSLY?*

Will be back soon after my last paper.

안녕 missayuki!

with ♥, Tia

Recipe : Cheese Layered Cake easy & simple :)

2011-12-22T13:14:00.000+08:00

Hello world!

Today I wanna share a simple recipe of cheese layered cake.

Very simple and definitely easy to bake.

What do you need?

250gm Cream Cheese

1/2 small can of Sweetened Creamer Milk

1 packet of Cheese Biscuit

Nestum *optional*

Method

Beat cream cheese until smooth.

Add milk and mix well. *the amount of milk depends on our own preference, the best I can tell is about half can. Taste the batter. Stop add in milk when you've got the taste you like. :P

Spread about 5 spoons of the batter in a square container. *depends on the size of your container*

Layer up with cheese biscuits, arrange the biscuits on top of the batter spread.

Repeat.

Lastly, sprinkle nestum on top of the last batter layer.

Keep inside refrigerator for hours and the cheese layered cake is ready to get into your stomach!

Good luck!

Third Forest Giveaway: Lens Village

2011-12-20T03:44:00.000+08:00

Wanna get a free pair of circle lens?

Join the Third Forest Giveaway *sponsored by* Lens Village.

The winner can choose any pair (excluding ColourVue) of circle lens.
The giveaway is open internationally and will end on 20th of December 2011.

*it's already 20th in Malaysia*

I hope this is not too late and we can still join the giveaway.

D:

2011-12-19T02:03:00.000+08:00

It's Monday! *obviously*

So the time of the last week for the semester is already ticking.

I can feel the presence of the pressure since final exam is slightly around the corner.

Tons of assignments need to be submitted by Wednesday, presentations as well as revisions that must begins as soon as possible.

Things are just messy.

~~Today~~ Yesterday, I added another scrape to the bunch of scrapes I already had.

While everyone is concerned and worried about the upcoming exams, I went to a part time job interview and will start to work immediately on this Thursday.

Crazy? TOO CRAZY!

Can you imagine, people are valuing each second they have to do revision?

While me, I had decided to spent my whole revision and exam weeks to work.

Well, at first I thought it would be quite fun to do so.

I'll be able to learn the value of money, as I'm sure it's not easy to earn in a big responsibility of working while ~~studying~~ having examinations.

Later, when I got home and prepare my study schedule, I realized that it won't be easy to study after an 8-hours shift.

Yes for some people, maybe yes for myself, but I just don't wanna risk my future.

How to deal with this matter?

This is a crazyness!

And I'm going insane.

Dunia Tanpa Jurutera ;)

2011-12-14T13:35:00.000+08:00

Can you imagine how the world would look like if there were no engineers?

So I was crazily on the net, searching information for my ethics' assignment, in which we were asked to write an essay regarding the contributions of engineers to the society.

While browsing, I encountered ~~few~~ posts, similar to what I'm about to share.

The world without engineers.

Imaginable?

The world is driven by engineering innovations!

So thanks to engineer for making our life easier.

Go bald? D:

2011-12-04T01:28:00.000+08:00

Are you having a hair loss problem?

I do.

And my problem is getting worst lately, since past 2 weeks.

Strains of hair pulled out with gentle tugging and combing.

Sometimes, they just fall, without me touching the hair.
If 20 strains per day is the normal rate, mine will be 20 strains per combing.

I'm getting bald patch and I'm just 21 years old.

Am I going to be bald soon?

What is the cause for the drastic fall?

Is it because of the hot shower?

Or maybe the antibiotics I took for UTI before?

As there are possibilities that medication can cause hair loss.

It's really sad to see my hair gets thinner and each time I gently touch my hair, there will be a strain stuck on the finger.

I feel like I wanna shave my head bald!

Perhaps it would be better than seeing your hair leaves the head slowly and the feeling kills you inside.

Depressing and frustrating.

Himalaya Shampoo didn't work for me anymore and I need some options to stop the hair loss and regrow my hair.

Is there any good suggestion?

Hello December ♥

2011-12-01T20:34:00.001+08:00

011211

It's already December!

As time flies by too fast, it seems like we just hit 2011 but we're actually almost in 2012.

And soon, I'll be a year older.

Have you set your goals for the upcoming new year yet?

I haven't, cause I don't know what to think right now as there are too many things to think about in my head.

3 weeks until the study week.

A month away from the final examination and my mind is still wandering around.

1 assignment and 3 projects need to be submitted soon but I haven't started with anything yet.

Where should I start?

I've been lost in class but I have no effort to get back to the track.

Aiyoyo, macam mana ini?!

December, please be nice to me.

I need to focus on myself, from now onward.

Happy December!

DECEMBER!

Rubber band car, help? D:

2011-11-29T20:31:00.000+08:00

Any idea on how to do this thing?

Cause I am totally out of ideas!

We are required to design a car which will use rubber bands as the energy source and CD as the wheels.

This project worth 50% of mark and the owner of any car that fail to move will fail the course immediately.

The presentation and competition is on the week 14th and my group hasn't start anything yet.

Cool yo?

Cydangiee Lensvillage Circle Lenses Giveaway! ♥

2011-11-27T21:54:00.001+08:00

Here's another circle lens giveaway post.

This giveaway is conducted and sponsored by Cydangiee and Lensvillage.

Ends on 8th of December 2011.

Prize

1 pair of lenses of your choice

1 animal lens case

2 pieces of masks origin from Korea

Rules

Open to international followers, follow with Google Friend Connect.

Tempted?

Visit Cydangiee for more info!

Salam Maal Hijrah 1433 :)

2011-11-27T20:49:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah.

I'm still getting the chance to breathe the air, to see the blueness of the sky and the greenness of the grass.

Thank you Allah, for giving me the opportunity to live this life with a wonderful family.

Thank you Allah for all the blessings that You had given me.

Being there for me all the time.

Thank you, for always listening and answering my prayers even though I've always tainted my status as Your slave for too many times.

Thank you for everything

Salam Maal Hijrah to all Muslims around the world.

Have a bless and righteous new year and let us thrive for more taqwa.

Dreams : the fun facts!

2011-11-26T23:54:00.000+08:00

I have nothing awesome about my life to share so here's some interesting facts about dreams.

I sleep then I get a dream.

So do you.

Curious?

The facts are :

Blind people also dream.
We forget 90% of our dreams.
Everybody dreams.
Dreams prevent psychosis.
We only dream of what we know.
Not everyone dreams in color.
Dreams are not about what they are about.
Quitters have more vivid dreams.
External stimuli invade our dream.
We are paralyzed while we sleep.
We can have 4 - 7 dreams in one night.

* i take no credit for both facts & photo :P *

Contact Lens GIVEAWAY by ColorLensWorld

2011-11-24T00:09:00.001+08:00

NOTE : This giveaway is open WORLDWIDE!
Sponsored by Colorlensworld.

Interested?

Visit Jel's blog for more info.

3 Days & 2 Nights stay.

2011-11-23T15:36:00.001+08:00

I'm home today, at last, after two long days in the ward.

I was hospitalized on Monday, due to UTI.

Went to the class like usual but while waiting for my friend in the car, I was having cold sweat.

My backbone in pain, as well as my stomach.

The day turned worse as I reached home.

I vomited and my right lower part of abdomen began to hurt.

I was so weak and can't even consumed any food nor drinks.

My brother then drive me to the clinic but instead of treating me, the doctor gave me a reference letter to be forwarded to the hospital.

Once I reached there, I was sent to the ER and was given saline solution in a drip while waiting for my urine test.

3 hours lying in the ER, the only thing I did was texting Mr. Gendut.

At 6.30pm, my admission to the hospital was confirmed.

I spent 2 nights there, and got discharged this morning.

Skipped 2 mid term tests, got 4 days of sick leave.

At first, I was suspected of having appendicitis but the pain weaken as time passed.

The nurse told me that the content of my white blood cell is high so it may caused by infection.

Alhamdulillah, it wasn't appendicitis.

Seriously, I was darn worried cause I'm too scared to go through any surgery.

Staying there made me stress and I hate almost everything about hospital.

Yep, I was a lil bit happy for meeting new friends but home is much more happier and warmer.

Thanks to my mom, for taking care of me.

My niece, Izza for staying with me in the hospital.

My best friend, Nurul for being the first friend visited me *AHAHAHAHA I was so touched, honestly.

My best cousin, AA for calling me with tons of advised *this person made me cry :P

Friends and family for their care and concern.

But of course, I am most grateful to Allah S.W.T.

For too many reasons.

♥ thanks Ugley, for accompanying me! ♥

Caramel Pudding :) ♥

2011-11-19T22:26:00.001+08:00

I had a test this morning and when I got home, I spent my whole day in front of the TV.

To repay back my joyless days spent to do revision.

By the way, congratulations to our Malaysian national football team for winning the match between Myanmar just now.

Wish the team all the best for the upcoming final match.

Right after the game, I felt like eating something.

So I decided to bake a caramel pudding to eat.

Tasty yet simple recipe.

Ingredients and method of preparation :

♥ Caramel *seriously, this is the most challenging part :P

6 tbs granulated sugar

1/3 cup hot water

Melt sugar in a sauce pan, stir until golden brown. Once it starts bubbling, stir in hot water the remove from heat. Pour immediately into pudding mold. Coat the mold bottom evenly with the caramel while it is still hot. Put aside.

♥ Pudding

4 eggs

400ml evaporated creamer

1/2 cup of granulated sugar *I reduced the amount to 1/3

1 tsp vanilla essence

1 tbs custard flour/corn flour

Bring together milk and sugar, bring to boil on low heat then stir in vanilla essence. Turn the heat off and set aside for later use. In a mixing bowl, lightly whisk eggs with sugar. Then pour in milk in stream, whisk rapidly until well blended. Pour the mixture into the caramelized mold and cover the top of the mold with aluminium foil. Place the mold into a steam cooker and steam for 20 minutes.

DONE!

Crappy post.

2011-11-17T00:22:00.001+08:00

My mind is disturbed.

By an unidentified reason.

I'm just stress.

Is it because of my hair is thinning?

Or, I need to go on diet even though I'm thin like a plank because my allowance is hmmmm?

Or, maybe, I need food right now?

Or, another maybe, I'm broke and I need money?!

Or maybe maybe, I'm worried with my industrial training?

Or, I have 3 midterm tests next week and I can't focus on my revision due to the above reasons?

Or or, I just don't know.

OR everywhere~

Nonsense post!

How I wish I have lots of money right now.

2011-11-16T20:53:00.001+08:00

Wok.

2011-11-15T23:32:00.001+08:00

This is a wok :

What is wok?

A large, round metal pan used for stir-fry, braising, and deep-frying.

Most woks are made of steel or sheet iron and have two large handles on each side.

It is used directly on the burner, similar to a saucepan.

So as usual, I spent my Tuesday's afternoon at Giant.

2 - 4 pm every Tuesday, Giant will be my playground.

And I just wanna show the blog that my lunch today was at Giant, and the meal is in a wok.

That's all.

Thank you.

♥ Cantonese Bee Hoon with Chicken Meats ♥

Oh wait, Selena Gomez? D:

2011-11-13T01:19:00.001+08:00

It's been said and done

Every beautiful thought's been already sung

And I guess right now here's another one

So your melody will play on and on, with best of 'em

You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible

A centerfold miracle, lyrical

Constantly, boy you played through my mind like a symphony

There's no way to describe what you do to me

And it feels like I've been rescued

I've been set free

I am hypnotized by your destiny

You are magical, lyrical, beautiful

I AIN'T A BIG FAN OF HER but seriously, this song has been stuck in my head for days!

You mad?

2011-11-12T02:10:00.001+08:00

Let's play hide and seek.

|
|
|
|
|
|

I'm stalking you!

Oh crap!

Where's my L?

Sago Pudding with Santan Cream

2011-11-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

Holiday started last Saturday.

5 days have passed and I'm on the 6th day of my holiday.

A free afternoon so I decided to cook something.

Ta-koh Sa-ku or the Malay name, Puding Sagu dan Pati Santan.

Easy to make and tasty.

Here's the recipe that I got from myResipi.

Ingredients :

Sago Pudding

1/2 cup Sago

1/4 cup cornflour

3 cups water

1 tsp pandan paste

2/3 cup sugar *approximately 9 spoons of sugar

Santan Cream

1 cup concentrated coconut extract

1 cup water

1/2 cup rice flour

1 spoon sugar

1/2 tsp salt

Wash the sago and soak for about half an hour and drain.
Bring water to boil, add in sago, cornflour and pandan paste. Stir and cook over moderate heat.
When the mixture becomes concentrated, add in sugar. Stir constantly until the sugar dissolve and the sago turns clear.
Pour the sago into container and put aside.
To cook the santan cream, mix all the ingredients together in a boiler. Stir over small heat, cook till the mixture becomes creamy.
Pour onto the sago pudding, leave in the fridge to cool and the pudding is ready to serve.

Enjoy!

Thank you ♥

2011-10-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

This is a lazy post.

=.=

I went to watch Real Steel and I recommend this movie to everyone.

My rating : ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Had my lunch at 5 o'clock - Baked Cheese Rice + Pearl Milk Tea

Went to Giant for window shopping.

Last stop was Green Height and I got a bag and a card.

Thank you Mr. Gendooooooooooooot!

♥ Seriously, this 娃娃 is ugly! ♥

Give meh holidae!

2011-10-25T09:21:00.000+08:00

An extremely busy week has just passed.

But tiredness will never end.

I still have tons of assignments, field trips, projects, and tests.

Oh holiday, where are you?

=.=

Last week, we managed to earn more than RM13K from the convocation fest.

Alhamdulillah, the best business we ever had so far.

The fatigues for 5 days worth the money we earned and I'm very grateful.

Thanks to my crews for the hard work.

Now, I need to get back to life.

I need to organize myself and my life!
Lots of work but I don't know where should I start.

I'm puzzled.

Suggestion please?

HAHAHA!

2011-10-17T00:42:00.001+08:00

I need to do a feasibility report on Pile Driver but I'm just too lazy.

Had search for informations on its manufacturing process but I get nothing.

So I stop.

Laziness strikes!

Drop by to post something and I have no obvious topic.

Just a random post.

That's all for today.

AHAHAHAHAH!

* stress is pressurizing *

Anyway, Happy First Monthsary Gendooooooooooot!

I ♥ YOU!

Dedicated to my guardian angels. :)

2011-10-16T02:27:00.001+08:00

Zul, Aa, Aboy.

Seriously, I miss the moments we spent together.

Remember?

Horror movie's night and the next day when we woke up, Aa got the idea for our invention and we went out on pyjama.

To buy a switch for Kanz Aquafeedster.

SPM revisions, we studied together and went to Zul's house for study group.

3 persons on a motorcycle.

And the funniest is when Aa got mad because he fell asleep.

4U Fair, we stayed up at Lorong 8, under the road lamp, to paint banner.

How I wished I was a boy so that I could spend most of my time with you guys.

But Aa always remind me that the friendship is much awesome and special because I am the only girl in the group.

Yes, that's true.

Aboy, everybody left after the accident but you were the only one who stayed by my side.

I had most of my crackiest time with you.

Thank you so much for giving me the reasons to laugh.

Aa, you are the big bro!

The one who listens and understands, who treats me like your lil sis.

Thanks for your care especially during our matriculation year.

You are the best-est cousin ever.

Zul, you had most of my times.

Your jokes cheer me up, you accompanied me for ice cream whenever I felt down.

Went out with me when me when no one was there to play with me.

Thank you so much for wasting your precious times for me.

I miss you, Aa and Aboy.

I'm wishing for a day to spend with the 3 of you.

A whole day with tons of memory.

Just another crazy moment to be created.

Soon.

Perhaps?

I am left-handed and I am proud of it.

2011-10-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

The fact is, only 10% of the human population is left handed.

I'm one of them and I'm proud.

This illustration in a Mercedez Benz ad (of all things) really nailed the right-brain/left-brain funtions in this visually exciting illustration! The d copy reads:

(Left:) "I am the left brain. I am a scientist. A mathematician. I love the familiar. I categorize. I am accurate. Linear. Analytical. Strategic. I am practical. Always in control. A master of words and language. Realistic. I calculate equations and play with numbers. I am order. I am logic. I know exactly who I am."

(Right:) "I am the right brain. I am creativity. A free spirit. I am passion. Yearning. Sensuality. I am the sound of the roaring laughter. I am taste. The feeling of sand beneath bare feet. I am movement. Vivid colors. I am the urge to paint on an empty canvas. I am boundless imagination. Art. Poetry. I sense. I feel. I am everything I wanted to be."

|source|

Obviously, I have nothing to post so I post something I got from facebook.

=.=

Untitled.

2011-10-06T00:19:00.001+08:00

Right now, I have like 10 assignments / projects / tutorials that need to be done.

The latest project is to design a car which can achieve the fastest speed.

Design and build a prototype.

I hadn't recovered from the shock of my Engineering Ethics' assignment and now a new one is getting into the list of my to do list.

Engineering Ethics assignment, in which we were asked to answer a question from the IEM's test.

2000 words, approximately 5 pages of words document.

Font size is 12, single spacing.

Stress!

I hate for being at home, I hate the fact that I have lots of homework, I hate to listen to the complaint that I get thinner than my usual self, I hate my car for getting sick again, I hate those arguments, those high notes of speech intonation, I hate assignments!

Too many thoughts, too much pressure.

HELP?

Title-less Sunday :P

2011-10-02T22:06:00.000+08:00

Sunday.

It's already October!

I woke up yesterday as September has ended.

AHAHAHAHA!

Yesterday, I spent my whole day by having a movie marathon.

Even so, I managed to watched 4 movies, ONLY.

I have lots of works, assignments & projects to be done but I enjoyed my weekend like there's nothing waiting and begging for attention.

Awesome-ness!

Today's tutor session was the last one as PMR starts tomorrow.

I was so happy when I received my last pay.

And of course, I am so grateful that I got the job 4 months ago.

Thanks to my boss for the chance and I hope Jackson will get excellent results.

Nothing remarkable happened lately.

Classes, tutorials, assignments, upcoming field trips.

And my mood is still wandering around, lost.

New aim for October, I'm going to start study and be hardworking.

Teehee~

Random.

2011-09-24T00:11:00.000+08:00

My blog is getting dusty and I hate that I don't post regularly like usual.

Classes started last week.
Definitely, the craziness begins to get active.
I'm having several kinds of emotions right now.
A + B + C = Ais Batu Campur
My feeling is quite complicated and I don't really know how to interpret these awesomeness.

Having a mixed emotions is actually awesome and cool but at the same time, those emotions kill.
Case 1 : I want to eat, I need to eat but I've eaten too much.
My stomach can't handle more food but I feel the need to eat in order to release the emotions.
No food means I need to figure out another way to comfort myself.
Means that, I need to think, more. *of course la!
Case 2 : I want to buy a new pair of contact lens but I have 2 pairs that haven't been opened.
Besides, I can't spend my money on things like this anymore.
I need to save.
Needs vs desires = depression.
=.=
I have lots more cases in my head.
What are they doing actually?
Disturbing my peace.
Oh-hoy!
D:

History in the making.

2011-09-17T19:52:00.000+08:00

Woot woot!

Happy Malaysia Day to all Malaysians (I'm a day late :P)
For the very first time in my life, I went to Matang Wildlife Center today.
After I paid for the ticket, the counter lady asked whether I've been there before.
Since it was my first time, I was given a map and a short briefing about the place.
Her most shocking info was that the sambar deer loves to escape from its cage.
She asked me to keep a distance from the deer if it is not in the cage as there were many cases regarding the deer behave aggressively towards visitors.
WTH?
My heart was pounding faster when I walked in the park!
All I thought about was how to run if the deer ran after me.
=.=
And today, I made another history.
After 2 years of being alone, I decided to start a new chapter in my life.
The decision was clear but I gave too much thought to answer him.
I know my craziness will affect him someday but I just can't help myself to say no.
The feeling is too strong and I just pick the first answer that appeared in my head.
Hope everything goes well, now till the end.
:)
♥

안녕하세요!

2011-09-09T14:11:00.000+08:00

Hello blog!

It's been a long time since my last post.

Stable and controllable emotions and so I have no idea on what to post.

Sunny days and starry nights lately and I love the way I feel.

♥

4 months of holiday is going to end soon.

I'm just a few days away from my first class.

And guess what, I'm a THIRD year student now!

Time flies really fast huh! [24H/D - 7D/W]

My working contract has been extended till the end of this month.

I'm happy to see how happy my boss was when she told me that her son improved a lot in the exam.

And I'm glad to accept the extension.

The new semester will begin next week and I'll be back to the stressful world.

Study, work, life.

Aja aja fighting!

;)

Salam Aidilfitri 1432H (:

2011-08-30T19:32:00.000+08:00

Ramadan has just left and Syawal is already here.

Salam Aidilfitri everyone.

Do enjoy the Eid ul-Fitr.

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin.

Thoughts.

2011-08-21T08:15:00.000+08:00

Few minutes away from my working hour.

I'm still here, in front of my lappy, blogging.

The urge to write is too strong!

Since Imsak till now, I can't sleep and I haven't feel any sleepiness.

Kind of worrying me as I know I'll get sleepy while tutoring later.

My performance is getting worse lately.

My brain works slower than usual and each time my student asked a question, I took times to answer him.

While when I worked on the weekdays, I was more hyper.

Is it because of the energy I gained from the fully-hours of sleeping?

* sigh

Why I can't sleep lately?

No, this problem has affected me for awhile since holiday started.

I just can't sleep whenever I need to sleep.

I'll sleep when I don't know it is already time to sleep.

Thoughts are getting crazy.

They are angry with me and the more effort I put on to avoid them, the stronger their affections on me.

It's like you have so many things to think but you don't know which one should be given the priority.

You can't manage the thoughts and they keep attacking your head.

It's tiring.

The craziness is too crazy to be called as crazy.

The messed in my head is just mad.

Thoughts, give me some space for myself.

Let me free sometimes.

You guys are mean!

Untitled.

2011-08-17T00:56:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah, 16th day of Ramadan has just passed.

Time sure flies by fast huh?

14 days left before Aidilfitri and the festive excitement is no longer as joyous as before.

During my childhood years, now is the time for firework & firecracker.

I won't be at home as I'll surely wandering around the village with my friends.
*midnight weh! seriously?*

But right now, I'm blogging.

HAHAHA.

Yesterday till now, I am so full with emotions.
Sorrow and misery.
Broke down for few times as I fell apart too easily.
Depression is here again.
Emotionally unstable.
HOHOHO!
Thanks mom for your understanding.
Love you so much! ♥
:)
Thanks YOU for reminding me that I can shine.
I can't shine today.
~~The sky~~ My day has been too dark and I'm still trying to calm myself down from getting panic.
I'm still searching for a way out from this messed head.
But I'll be okay.
Everything will be fine girl.
Keep calm and stay focus!

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!

2011-08-14T02:08:00.000+08:00

Stars?

Thanks for the stars?

Superstar, by Jamelia.

"I picked 10 stars from the sky."

"Why?"

"They'll shine in your heart, for your heart."

I wished for 100 sextilion of stars so that my heart will be much brighter.

So that my heart won't stay in the darkness anymore.

You just gave me 10?

Okay fine, it's okay as long as you're sincere.

Ahahaha!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel incredibly awesome!

Thanks man.

Emotionally stable is just as great as eating delicious foods.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not sleepy yet.

왜?

I need to go to work ~~tomorrow~~ this morning so eyes, please get sleepy.

I have a full week tutor session this week cause my student is having his pra PMR.

Quite insane but I'm grateful as the more the session is, the higher the pay will be.

Raya is just around the corner and of course I need money to support my shopping though.

Hopefully, everything will be fine and I don't get stress out due to the daily session.

Selamat bersahur everyone!

And have a nice day ahead.

;)

Mad about Macarons?

2011-08-12T20:30:00.000+08:00

Yeah!

I'm mad, really really mad.

On the fifth try, I finally succeeded to bake a perfect batch of macarons.

After 4 failures and disappointments.

Even though they haven't tasted as good as macs I bought from the bakery, the look is almost the same.

I was so happy when I saw my macs grew their 'feet' in the oven, and I almost jumped out of excitement.

The recipe I used was the one I got from Fromintankitchen.

There are too many do's and don'ts in baking maracons.

No wonder the price is hell high as the process to make the macs is too complicated.

I'm still learning and I know I have lots more to learn to bake the perfect macarons.

And someday, I wish I can eat one from Laduree.

♥ the only batch that grew their 'feet' nicely ♥

♥ their 'feet' turns out to be tongue! OMG! D: ♥

♥ I used kaya pandan as the filling ♥

Untitled.

2011-08-07T01:12:00.000+08:00

Full with emotions.

And I'm drowning slowly, gasping for air to breathe.

I'm just clueless.

Ya Allah, tunjukkanlah kebenaran.

Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mengetahui dan Maha Adil.

Nonsense (:

2011-08-06T02:19:00.000+08:00

When heart skips a beat, excitation strikes and smile appears more than usual just because of a name.

What it is?

Butterflies everywhere.

Stars shine brightly.

Flowers bloom.

Okay, is this a night or a day?

Why do the stars showed up along with those flowers and butterflies?

Besides, butterflies are everywhere.

At night?

Seriously?

I shall state fireflies instead of butterflies.

Duh~

Whatever it is, can you feel my heart?

Good night!

;)

Burns *

2011-08-04T01:44:00.000+08:00

Cause every time I think about you

I think about pain

I remember every single word you say

Like deja vu

You say we're through

And now that's all I think about

When I think about you

And it burns

Speechless.

2011-08-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

My head is a mess right now.

All of sudden, I feel worried.

I'm worried of something but I'm not sure what it is.

I'm scared of something serious but I have no clue what it is.

Just a collaboration between unknown reasons and unpleasant feeling.

What a mess!

All I think about is thinking.

Few thoughts but the number is rising due to my pessimistic.

This is insane.

************************************************

While searching for a good picture to be attached together with this post, I can't feel the craziness anymore.

WTH?

Where are you going thoughts?

Why disappear in the middle of a chaos?

Salam Ramadan 1432

2011-07-31T22:43:00.000+08:00

Thank you Allah, for giving me another chance to meet the Ramadan again.

For giving me every needs and bless.

Thank you for everything.

Salam Ramadan everyone.

May this Ramadan brings us closer to Allah's pleasure.

혼자.

2011-07-30T00:48:00.000+08:00

There are times when you feel like you wanna be alone.

Isn't it?

You just wanna switched off your phone, deactivate your facebook account and spend every minute with tumblr while listening to some kpop's rhythms.

Or, sit in front of the lappy, watching korean dramas, kevjumba or nigahiga with potatoes chips.

What an awesome life!

To feel no depression, no pressure, no stress.

It's been a week I guess.

Each and every night, I'll put my phone in offline mode.

I stop facebooking at night and begin to haunt in facebook when it is only midnight in order to avoid certain people.

I don't want to chat nor texting.

I'm just too lazy to reply.

Sorry.

혼자 내버려 두십시오!

I need you...

2011-07-28T03:59:00.002+08:00

FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!

FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!

FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!

Okay, enough!

There's nothing else I want more than FOOD right now!

I'm craving fooooooooooooooooooods but I'm not even hungry.

Ghrelin is produced rapidly in my stomach and can you please stop?

I need to study for tomorrow's tutor session!

=.=

Cupcakes.

Macaroons.

Cheese baked rice.

Iglool snow ice.

Pearl milk tea.

Tom yam.

McD's *anything*.

Starbuck's hot chocolate.

Mashed potato.

MB's chicken burger.

Can you guys *people on the list* please appear in front of me now?

I need to eat you!

Please?

Randomness.

2011-07-26T02:59:00.000+08:00

There's gap between my posts recently.

Not like previous time, I at least posted a post in 2 days.

Now's like a post for a week!

Pfft.

Nothing remarkable happened lately.

Besides going to dentist and met Gman in Emart & Apek came for joining my lunch with Hallen.

My mental is quite stable, I'm not emotional like always and this is freaking awesome!

I hope this condition will last longer though.

I'm just tired of being so sensitive.

Even though, these few days, I did feel like I want to escape the reality.

Ramadhan is just a week away and I'm so excited about ~~fasting~~ puasa!

May the upcoming Ramadhan be as bright as ever.

Salam.

;)

Oh Turbulence Day! :D

2011-07-22T03:30:00.001+08:00

Few days have passed yet there's no new update in my blog.

I've been trying to write but my ideas end when I'm half writing.

Therefore, there are like 15 of unposted posts in my draft.

My head is resting lately.

Not much activities in my head and I feel sokay.

Is this the feeling of being normal?

However, last night, I was shaken by one stalker or the correct word to point him is pervert.

This guy shows no respect to girls and he should ***.

Apologizing won't always do even if you tried many times.

You've been warned and yet you do it.

As long as I have the memory about what I read, this hateness will never leave.

Serve you right!

You'll be hated for what you've done.

=.=

In order to calm down, I watched Dongjun's video.

This guy is freaking adorable!

Flaming hot and ohmeygosh!

I'm melting each time I watch this video!

HAHAHA!

Who's the stalker now?

My day was as usual until at 4.46pm, I received a call from Mr. Apek.

He notified me that he'll be here, Bau, in 2 hours.

WTH?
He really came and arrived at 6.10pm with a box of 16 pieces Big Apple's Donuts.

There are no other words can describe my gratefulness besides thank you.

Just another good bye.

2011-07-18T02:39:00.000+08:00

How many months since it all started?

I can't figure it out.

But the longer the period, the more confused I get.

Everything changes over time.

I can't see anything in the same state anymore.

Plus, I don't want to second guess something unclear.

All the notes I wrote in my phone before were just so true.

People change, life goes on, and we move on when people we hoped most left.

You are not leaving, I'm the one who will leave.

The reason is you.

The changes somehow hurt my fragile heart.

You can no longer see nor hear my screaming thoughts.

You even teased me and this showed how much you've grown into somebody I barely know.

Thanks for the short period of happiness.

It does mean a lot even though everything seems to end soon.

With you, I was so happy in my depression episodes.

I can still taste the happy in my miseries.

I know the episode with you is about to end, but I promise I won't forget you.

You taught me how to fight my self's fights.

You taught me how to be stronger.

Thank you so much.

A Day to Remember.

2011-07-14T00:00:00.002+08:00

Today, I went out with some old folks.

Kino, Gman and Ronnie.

We promised to meet at 9 o'clock but ended up to gather at 10.30am.

Our first stop was McD!

We were rushing to McD for the buy 1 free 1 promotion and we were among the earliest to arrive as the promo started at 11.00am.

2 coupons, 2 Double Cheese Burger + 2 redeemed Double Cheese Burger + 3 add-on sets.

Luckily, we arrived earlier cause when we left the restaurant, 3 long lines were set up by the people who tried to enjoy the promotion.

I didn't finished up my burger though!

The fries made me full.

=.=

Done with McD, we headed to Iglool to eat snow ice!

Wednesday promotion for couple, buy 2 pay 1.

Since there were 4 of us, 2 gentlemen and 2 ladies, why not give the promo a shot?

2 Q Fruit & Yogurt Bean with Mango Snow Ice

2 Season Strawberry Snow Ice

These flavors are not my favorite but I gave them a try to explore the ice more.

♥

After the snow ice, we had to send Kino off as she got an event to attend.

The 3 of us left then headed to Star Cineplex and we watched Mr. Popper's Penguins.

Movie day and we paid RM5 for the ticket.

The movie was freaking cool and worth my penny.

Anyway, I just realized that today was filled with promotions!

McD, Iglool, movie.

Money saved without reducing the fun.

The most important matter that happened today is Macaroons!

Previously, I bought macaroons at Everybread Bakery but now the bakery is no longer available.

Closed down or moved to somewhere else, I don't know.

Therefore, the only place I know to buy macaroons in Kuching is the Cafe Chat @ Pullman Hotel.

5 stars hotel for the plain folks like us, ridiculous!

Gman and Ronnie were wearing simple, t-shirt & jeans while me, BF shirt + skinny jeans + cardigan.

Our attire was so off to be compared to those who can afford to stay there.

But hey, we were just going to the cafe.

I was craving for macaroons for few weeks and the location of the cafe won't affects my desire to eat.

Yes, 5 stars rating didn't stop my steps to get the holy macaroons!

When we got there, I was so excited to see the little adorable puffy green and white baked confections.

I saw cupcakes and cakes with gorgeous decorations and they were tempting me as well.

♥ these foods are tempting aren't they? :D ♥

As I was deciding on what to buy, my friends were actually evaluating the situation I had with the short hair waitress.

Seriously, I noticed nothing at the beginning.

I know there's no friendliness but I didn't take it as a problem.

However, when we walked out of the lobby, Ronnie was cursing hard.

Complaint on how the waitress looked at us.

Like we're the poor who shouldn't and couldn't afford to have something at a place like that.

We look cheap and gai when we entered the lobby is it?

Serious shit huh?

Why?

Just because of what we wore?

You are not the manager and even if you are, you don't have the right to look down on the customers.

No matter what they look like.

I know we looked shabby but can you use it as an excuse to give us a low class customer service?

Cynical smile and unfriendly intonation.

I guess I should have showed you the logo on my car's key just now.

What car I drove to get there to buy that RM1.80 food.

HAHAHA.

My sister's car actually.

But really, her attitude killed my appetite.

I was smiling and cheerful while dealing with her but she treated me the other way.

Shoot!

Someday, I'll be back to the cafe and if I happen to meet the waitress again, I want to act bitchy and rude in front of her.

* evil laugh *

♥ laugh hah? ain't funny der~ ♥

♥ freaks! ♥

♥ cafe chat? chit you rude waitress! ♥

We're friends!

2011-07-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, being alone is the best choice.

Working alone, walking alone, eating alone, laughing alone, talking alone.

ALONE.

Just you, yourself, and your own imaginary world.

It's tiring sometimes, to have to explain the same thing over and over again.

Repeating the same point the same reason to the same person.

Collaboration, as explained by the wikipedia, is working together to achieve goal but in its negative sense, it is working as a traitor.

Right now, there's a trust betrayal.

Being careful for the best outcome can become the worst disaster if there's no longer trust exist in between.

Expect for a positive result but then the negative comes and stay.

Where's faith, friendship and love?

I hope this matter won't affect our relationship dude.

Circle Lens Mania!

2011-07-08T01:32:00.001+08:00

I'm not yet a fanatic but hey, I really love circle lens!

My very first contact lens ever was bought from Amysha in September 2010.

I was joining her pre order spree and I bought a pair of Geo's Magic Circle Lens, CM-836.

However at that moment, I was not so confident to wear any lens so I just gave it to my niece.

A month later, I was tempted by my friends who got their pairs of color lens so I decided to buy one for myself as well.

Since I ~~don't~~ have any eyesight problem, the lenses are for cosmetic purposes only.

Up till today, I have two pairs of ready-to-wear lenses, one pair of one-sided lens *one of the lens bottle was broken during the shipment*, one pair of not-ready-to-wear lens *still in the bottles and I don't have any intention to wear them at this moment* and a pair of on-their-way-here lens *just bought few days ago and I'm still waiting for their arrival*.

I'm planning to do some review on the lenses I wore soon.

If there's any of you who want to buy a pair of lenses for yourself, I'm a reseller.

You can buy from me.

♥

Right now, I'm so in love with Geo Princess Mimi Lens / Bambi Series.

I'm so excited about the lens and I'll own this someday.

♥

This is my EOS SugarCandy Grey lens.

One piece left as the other one died in the pos express envelope.

=.=

I've tried it before and I don't really like its look on my eye.

The grey isn't noticeable.

Besides, I have dark iris so the lens turns out to be like a plain black lens.

I can't tell if this lens is comfort to wear or not cause I never worn it for hours before.

Soon, I'm going to do a short review on my other lenses.

Stay tune!

Laziness.

2011-07-03T02:13:00.000+08:00

I don't feel like doing anything.

Now, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow.

Laziness strikes!

No interest to go to work, watch drama, online nor eating.

I just want to stay still and stare at the ceiling for all day long.

May I?

Well, I know it is impossible unless I want to hear my mom nags.

I have a plan to bake cupcake.

Red Velvet Cupcake with Cheese Frosting.

The name alone makes me feel excited.

I'm still searching for a perfect time and I'll post the pictures of the cake I bake someday.

Today's plan : working with passion, a lunch with Dayang and house painting.

I'm going to enjoy the activities to the fullest!

Heck yeah!

A day of Transformers!

2011-07-01T23:55:00.001+08:00

As planned earlier, I went to watch Transformers : Dark of The Moon, 3D, today.

Gotta say that the movie was awesome!

Worth my money.

Besides movie, I ate sushi at Sushi King!

Thanks to Mr. Apek for treating us.

I enjoyed my takoyaki even though it was much smaller than the one I bought at Yukimi's Sushi.

The taste as well, not so impressing.

Lil bit expensive and incomplete.

I'm not being ungrateful, just being honest.

Bought Vanilla Latte at Starbuck before I went home and the day's plan ended once I left The Spring.

One fact that I discovered today : Starbuck's coffee is too heavy for me.

Cause right now, I'm having migraine!

Wasted RM11.85.

Nothing much to share so my writing for today ends here.

^.^

❤ takoyaki ❤

❤ it's been quite a long time since the last picture of myself ; what a smile. pfft! ❤

Untitled the Forth.

2011-06-30T21:15:00.000+08:00

The rain is pouring heavily and it's cold outside.

July is approaching and we'll gonna leave June behind.

Time flies quite fast huh?

Now is already the mid year!

My mind has rest a bit for few days.

Nothing complicated bothered my head.

I'm at peace!

Received my salary today.

So tomorrow, I'll be going to watch Transformer 3.

I want to eat anything looks delicious and I'm going to spend money on food!

Macaroon? Cupcake? Sushi? Squidball? GCB?

I want them all!

=.=

Don't talk to your mind.

2011-06-23T03:14:00.000+08:00

Few days of silence, blog!

As silent as the loss of inner voice.

Nothing to share, no ideas on how to express, no communication between the mind and the fingers.

Just lost.

Am struggling with this major mood swing and it's exhausting as this problem appears quite frequent lately.

I was flattered 2 days ago.

Went out with my best friend and spent few hours together after 3 years of separation.

So many stories were shared and I believed we have more to talk about.

Therefore, I'm looking forward for another outing with him.

During the night, I had a long conversation on the phone.

For the ~~very first time~~, I had a depressing thought attack while talking to other people.

I'm not sure if this really happened for the first time though.

My thought was pushing me so hard, and words released from my mouth were messed up.

The flattering moment turned depressing.

Too many thoughts need to be neutralized after the conversation.

The more thoughts born afterward, and the day after was getting discouraging.

Yesterday, was just another episode of depression.

Peace, where are you?

Do you ever get that feeling where you don’t want to talk to anybody? You don’t want to smile and you don’t want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don’t know exactly what’s wrong either. There isn’t a way to explain it to someone who doesn’t already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you’re alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn’t anyone who won’t take ‘I don’t know’ for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.

Source : atomos

돌아와줘.

2011-06-18T16:17:00.002+08:00

Friction between my emotion and my life is quite high lately.

Everything seems rough and bumpy.

Pessimist me, but what else can I do when obstacle is here?

Besides thinking, evaluating and stressing myself with unreal imaginations.

They exist only in my thought but what if they do real?

They'll become real someday.

I am just paranoid.

Some might say, why let the mind speaks louder till it posses your action?

Why don't just ignore the thoughts and live your life to the fullest?

The fact is, judging is much more easier.

Try walking in my shoes then you'll understand more.

:))

Extraordinarily tired today.

I went to work with a blur in mind and when I got home, the bed is my first destination.

At least my mind can rest for awhile.

It's been 3 days and the gap is getting wider.

Am I missing a spark in my life?

A spark which motivated me since it showed up.

It makes me feel lifeless.

* sigh

돌아와?

Thank You * part 2

2011-06-18T02:35:00.000+08:00

I am a big fan of this one blog on tumblr.

The writer is bipolar and it is fun to read all of her posts.

You know why I like her writing?

Cause I can almost totally relate myself to each and everything that she mentioned in her posts.

And so, I'll check her blog daily just to keep update on what had she wrote.

I sent her messages anonymously to let her know that I love to read her posts and I support her blog.

Sounds stalking right?

HAHAHA.

Today, she posted something with a shout out, thanking the anonymous for supporting her.

She even asked the anon to send a message to let her know who the anon is.

I felt appreciated!

.

2011-06-18T00:59:00.001+08:00

Nobody knows how many times I've faked a smile, how many times I've cried, how many times I've been hurt. Nobody knows how many times I've had to hold back my tears, how many times I've been let down, how many times I've been walked out on. Nobody knows how many times I've felt like falling apart but I keep it together for those around me, how many times I've been kicked when I was down, how many times I scream. Nobody knows how many times I've forgotten how it feels to be happy, or how long I've been waiting for things to get better. Sometimes I wonder who knows the difference between how I pretend I feel and how I truly feel.

Source : killingthefear-oflove

49 Days * Korean Drama

2011-06-17T01:32:00.000+08:00

Details :

Title: 49일 / 49 Il

Episodes: 20

Genre: Fantasy, romance
Broadcast network: SBS
Broadcast period: 2011-Mar-16 to 2011-May-19
Air time: Wednesday & Thursday 21:55

Synopsis :

Shin Ji Hyun was enjoying absolute bliss as she was about to marry her fiancé, Kang Min Ho, but her perfect life is shattered when she gets into a car accident that leaves her in a coma. She is given a second chance at life by a reaper, but it comes with a condition: she has to find three people outside of her family who would cry genuine tears for her. In order to do this, she borrows the body of Yi Kyung, a part-time employee at a convenience store for 49 days.

Review :

I have to say that this is one of the best drama. Well, it might not be able to challenge Secret Garden but still, there's its own uniqueness. This drama showed well how fate is sealed. Why people met, what's the reasons behind an event, when will it happen and what are the consequences. After watching this drama, I realized that maybe it is not about the happy ending but it is about the story. The story of love. True love born from sincerity which knows no reason and excuses and limit and circumstances. Purely born in the heart.

Han Kang & Ji Hyun : Seriously, I'm in love with Han Kang! How I wish I could meet someone like him. HAHAHA. They were classmates and their story began when Ji Hyun rescued Han Kang from being bullied. Ji Hyun is a bright girl while Han Kang is always cold to her. Reality, Han Kang is secretly in love with Ji Hyun but for the sake of her happiness, Han Kang hides his feeling and let Ji Hyun be with someone else. During the 49 days when Ji Hyun borrowed Yi Kyung's body, while everyone believes that Yi Kyung is Yi Kyung, Han Kang is the first person who recognized Ji Hyun. The power of love hoh? He helped Ji Hyun secretly, he loves her secretly, he sacrificed for her secretly and he is the first person who cried the genuine tears. I want him! =.=
Yi Soo & Yi Kyung : Ji Soo is cute! HAHAHA. They met in orphanage and love grows as they grew up. Promises are made but because of misunderstanding, those promises were kind of broken. They fell apart but Yi Soo was actually has his own plan to show his love to Yi Kyung. However, he died in an accident and Yi Kyung was left hopeless alone. Because of his love, he then becomes the grim reaper and waited for 5 years in order to meet Yi Kyung and clear the misunderstanding. 5 years of waiting for Yi Soo and 5 dark lonely years for Yi Kyung. I like their story the most even though I like Han Kang. :P

Above are my short introduction for the main couples in the drama. Wanna know more on what had happened, then go download and watch. There's no fun reading only the reviews. Experiencing is way better. No regrets, trust me.

아빠, 사랑해!

2011-06-14T22:08:00.001+08:00

Depressed?

No, I'm just sad.

Countless number of emotional posts and I hate them all.

But, by writing down what I feel is the only way to release the emotions.

Thanks missayuki, for your loyalty and patience.

Thanks for providing me a space to arrange the alphabets into words and sentences.

Which are the expression of those unknown trapped inside my heart.

Few peaceful days, I managed to avoid those evil thoughts.

However, there are pieces of words that attached to my mind, keep repeating themselves and asked for attention.

Here I am again, lost in the ocean of emotion.

Drowning slowly, gasping for air to breathe.

Seeking for some space to SPEAK it up.

I miss my dad so so so much.

아빠, 사랑해요.

너무 보고 싶었어요.

Gigiku.

2011-06-13T22:15:00.000+08:00

I went to the dentist today's afternoon.

Last appointment was in October and I actually should go to check my teeth in December.

It's been 6 months late and I was scolded by the dentist as the temporary filling in one of my molar teeth should be replaced with permanent filling.

Gahahah.

So I was appointed to meet her again next month, to settle my tooth matter.

Seriously, I don't like dental appointment.

It's quite scary though but I don't have any other choices.

This is actually the effect of laziness.

Back to my childhood days, I was lazy to take care of my teeth.

I love big and cute lollipops, candies, chocolate, carbonated drinks and everything sweet.

Yet, I didn't brush my teeth frequently so my teeth got lots of problem when I'm in the adolescent phase.

Now, I try to fix the problems one by one and visit the dentist as regular as possible.

I'm going to wear braces someday!

Beautiful teeth, here you go!

hahahahah!

* not funny okay? *

=.=

Please?

2011-06-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

Dear heart,

Please stay strong.

Don't break the wall that you built long time ago.

You know well that people will certainly leave you someday.

I don't want you to get hurt again.

Whenever you got hurt, I was the one who suffered the most.

I need to take care of you and my body from those abusive thoughts.

It's tiring.

Please, don't be so selfish.

My life isn't fully about you.

I have lots of other things to be thought of.

Love, Tia.

:)

2011-06-09T21:06:00.000+08:00

Life is great these few days.

No high, no low and I am just okay.

I love my life the way it is, now.

After 2 tiring weeks, I can finally have a break tomorrow.

No need to go to work and I want to stay longer in the blanket.

Hug my bolster and lie on my bed till I get tired.

Awesomeness!

Stop and watch.

2011-06-07T18:17:00.000+08:00

Go and pause my music player, and watch this video.

Spend your 8 minutes, only.

Seriously, my tears burst out.

I am so fortunate but yet I can't appreciate this life well.

The boy in this video, lived on the street for 10 years since he was 5 years old.

Left in the orphanage when he was 3 then he ran away at the age of 5 cause he was beaten there.

I can't imagine how he live through the days and nights alone.

Working to earn money at a young age.

He is so strong.

"I like singing because it was the first thing I liked after living that dayfly-like life"

Boy, I hope you'll win this competition.

You are so talented and I'll be supporting you.

화이팅

Abstract Expressionism.

2011-06-07T01:33:00.001+08:00

Wanna know the look of the chaos in my head?

Something almost like this.

Completely indescribable and unexplainable.

I lost the words needed to express my feeling.

Too complicated.

Yet, I'm not sure what are the reasons that make me feel this way, at least for today.

Indescribable.

2011-06-06T01:27:00.000+08:00

Abnormality feels normal and normality feels abnormal.

Yesterday, was just an ordinary day filled with a special occasion.

Why would I rate it special?

Cause it has been quite some times since my last visit to the beach.

Sound of the nature, ocean waves hitting the beach should excites me.

The blueness of the sky should brings calm in me.

Unfortunately, I felt nothing.

I was fascinated by the rocks and the sand and the beauty of the beach only for seconds but then my thought flew away to somewhere.

Just somewhere I couldn't recognized, and I lost within the world created by my emotions.

I can't even enjoyed the beach.

I wasn't in the depression nor mania state like previous days, but I don't feel normal as well.

Since morning till now, I still feel the same.

Mixed emotions and confusion and the need of supports.

Truthfully, I wont' take any advice.

I need advices but it will never last long in my head.

Sooner or later, those positive words will diminish and the negatives will take over my thinking.

Don't think too much, don't do something stupid, don't and don't.

Those kinds of words, never helped.

In fact, they raised hateness in me, and make me feel more lonely.

Cause I know, people never understand how it feels like to be in the state like mine.

Those thoughts are uncontrollable and no matter what you say, they won't leave.

I've been fighting with my own thoughts and even if they lost, they will surely come back.

So any attempts to make me realize about the negatives will never work, ever.

What I need then?

The only person who can save me from this craziness is myself.

To find myself, I need someone.

Just someone who can sit by my side, listen to my stupid and rapid thoughts and scolds my thoughts for being so cruel to me.

Someone who has the will to live in reality and imagination with me.

That is a desire of my positive side.

She wants to be happy and live normally and has someone to neutralize her anxiety.

She just want to be loved and leave her empty feeling.

How about my negative side?

My negative side told me that I don't need anyone.

I'm kind of used to loneliness, emptiness, worthlessness and hopelessness.

I should hates almost everyone in my life and living in the society will only makes me feel damn low.

People will hate me, betray me and leave me someday and there is no point to tie any relationship.

In order to avoid annoyance, caused by my imperfection, it is better to be alone.

She taught me the value of second-guessing.

My neutral side?

She doesn't know anything.

She lies in between the positive and negative and the only truth I know about her is she needs freedom.

She needs to be set free fast.

Crazy enough to make you think I'm crazy?

Go ahead with whatever thought you have about me.

No offense.

I myself realize how severe my sickness is lately.

I am desperately need helps.

Most of my posts have been actively related to depression and I can't guess when will this stop.

So any follower who got distracted by my posts, just simply unfollow.

I won't mind.

On Rainy Days

2011-06-03T23:55:00.002+08:00

비가 오는 날엔 나를 찾아와

밤을 새워 괴롭히다

비가 그쳐가면 너도 따라서

서서히 조금씩 그쳐가겠지

On the rainy days you come and find me

Torturing me through the night

When the rain starts to stop, you follow

Slowly, little by little, you will stop as well

[beast / b2st]

If you happen to read this someday, I just wanna let you know that I hate you.

This is not your fault after all, it's all mine.

But since you are part of this drama, you can't escape.

I am sorry for dragging you into this crazy world.

Sooner or later, my memory on this will fade away and I'll forget about it.

When this anger is ceased, I'll surely forgive you.

Just let me having fun with this depression for awhile okay?

Thanks for shining your light on me even though the period was kind of short.

At least I felt like I was not alone for once.

At least I knew that I had someone to talk to before.

You couldn't understand my mental sickness well but you did try to understand.

I appreciate that so much.

But maybe it's time for us to say goodbye.

Leaving everything about you and me behind.

Let's start anew.

안녕!

Just, don't!

2011-06-03T19:08:00.001+08:00

Don’t eat, you’re gonna get fatter. Don’t talk, you’re making yourself look fucking stupid. Don’t laugh, it’s annoying as fuck. Don’t try making a connection with him, you’re becoming more pathetic with each attempt. Don’t hold on, you’re going to fucking let go sooner or later anyways. Don’t expect someone to make an effort with you, you’re just gonna let yourself down again. Don’t try, whats the fucking point? Don’t cry, you’re fucking weak. Don’t feel anything anymore, numbness is all you fucking know now. Don’t hope for freedom, these chains are never going to be cut loose. Ever. Don’t even breathe; it’s fucking pointless.

credit : fashionisendless

Be nice or go away !

2011-06-03T02:35:00.000+08:00

Again, this heart is in pain.

Feeling the ache while others are enjoying their holiday to the fullest.

I let myself drown in this crisis again.

Crisis and a fight between me and myself.

Seriously, I can't run away from these crazy thoughts.

As day passed by, they are getting crazier and I can't manage them all the time.

My self esteem is being eaten bit by bit.

I lost my old me in the journey of growing up.

Thank you for letting me feel this way.

The feeling of dying while breathing.

I'll live my whole life in the sunshine and I'll prove your failure in dragging me down.

YOU, thank you and be prepared.

Leaving a dream.

2011-06-01T00:10:00.000+08:00

Today is the 1st June 2011.

3 days away from the 4th.

On the 4th, I should attend my first stage of cadet pilot selection which is the written test.

I should go and I want to but I won't.

I just can't.

Received the mail regarding the test in April.

Till now, neither air ticket nor preparation, both are negative.

Too many circumstances which cannot be avoided.

Just completed my second year of study, the second half of my journey is about to begin.

Maybe I should concentrate on my study.

Gain my bachelor degree first before I start to think about aviation again.

Maybe I am destined to be in the engineering field, not aviation.

Maybe someday, I'll re-dream about flying again.

For now, let's say goodbye to the sky.

Goodbye to a pair of wings, goodbye to the ability to fly.

Bye bye aviation world, bye bye dream.

Thank You :)

2011-05-30T17:28:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah.

I'm doing fine today.

Earn an experience from my job and gain a happiness from my exam's result.

Thank you Allah.

I feel great even though I haven' reach my target yet.

Almost there so all I need to do is push myself harder next sem.

Hard work definitely paid off.

Tomorrow which is today.

2011-05-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

Few hours later, I'll be going to work.

My first day and I'm kind of nervous.

Quite worry with what the situation will be and I'm scared that the kid won't understand what I teach.

Stressness.

Double stress when I realize that today, examination's result will be announced.

Gah!

I don't know how the pattern of my result this sem.

My examination was full if disappointment and I can't expect too much.

The stress is tripled whenever I grow the thought that my result won't be pleasant to hear.

Tawakal please, Tia.

Let's hope for the best.

For my result and my first day of working.

Gambatteh!

30/5/2011, please be nice to me.

Looking forward for a good day today.

Hey you!

2011-05-29T01:21:00.000+08:00

I want to escape from myself.

This craziness is worsen each and every day.

At some point, my mind can't process the unreasonable thoughts at all.

The impact, I'm cracking up.

I love people around me.

I appreciate every moment I spent with them.

The memories are so precious though.

But, I hate some people who no longer available to create memory with me.

They were once so important to me, so loved by me.

They have their reasons to leave, I have my own reasons to hate.

The burdens feel so heavy but it is actually much lighter than I thought.

This is all about the mind set.

I can't control my mind.

I can't stop my mind from working hard to destroy my self-esteem.

If and only if I can kill these people in my head, I will.

I'll make sure they leave me alone to enjoy the journey of life.

Why would you ruin me?

You are living in me but yet, you never show your appreciation.

You keep on hurting my feeling.

Damn!

Stupid thoughts.

♥ ayuki's stories ♥

Fun Time!

Syukur :)

Because...

Ranting.

Hair fall.

Freedom! :D

Masks Haul :D ♥

The One That Got Away.

Wordless Wednesday #1

Happy New Year 2012!

Au Revoir, missayuki! ♥

Recipe : Cheese Layered Cake *easy & simple* :)

Third Forest Giveaway: Lens Village

D:

Dunia Tanpa Jurutera ;)

Go bald? D:

Hello December ♥

Rubber band car, help? D:

Cydangiee Lensvillage Circle Lenses Giveaway! ♥

Salam Maal Hijrah 1433 :)

Dreams : the fun facts!

Contact Lens GIVEAWAY by ColorLensWorld

3 Days & 2 Nights stay.

Caramel Pudding :) ♥

Crappy post.

Wok.

Oh wait, Selena Gomez? D:

You mad?

Sago Pudding with Santan Cream

Thank you ♥

Give meh holidae!

HAHAHA!

Dedicated to my guardian angels. :)

I am left-handed and I am proud of it.

Untitled.

Title-less Sunday :P

Random.

History in the making.

안녕하세요!

Salam Aidilfitri 1432H (:

Thoughts.

Untitled.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!

Mad about Macarons?

Untitled.

Nonsense (:

Burns *

Speechless.

Salam Ramadan 1432

혼자.

I need you...

Randomness.

Oh Turbulence Day! :D

Just another good bye.

A Day to Remember.

We're friends!

Circle Lens Mania!

Laziness.

A day of Transformers!

Untitled the Forth.

Don't talk to your mind.

돌아와줘.

Thank You * part 2

.

49 Days * Korean Drama

아빠, 사랑해!

Gigiku.

Please?

:)

Stop and watch.

Abstract Expressionism.

Indescribable.

On Rainy Days

Just, don't!

Be nice or go away !

Leaving a dream.

Thank You :)

Tomorrow which is today.

Hey you!

Recipe : Cheese Layered Cake easy & simple :)